i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
