I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
