When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
