The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
