Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i drank out of a bidet.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
