Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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