PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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