Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize