Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
