That's when you crack a 10am beer
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
