dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
