I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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