my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize