seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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