remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
