Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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