I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize