quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
