I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
