I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize