He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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