I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
