Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize