When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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