just tell him i said nine months
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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