What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
