Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
