maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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