Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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