I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
