You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Dignity is for republicans.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
