she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
