How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
