can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
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