I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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