shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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