I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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