I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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