well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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