Fine. I'll sleep in my office
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
