Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
