well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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