i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
