So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i out mim tonsoeep
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