Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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