oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
