took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
