Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
