lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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