Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
