guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
