We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
