I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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