i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize