Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
