I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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