I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
