Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
