were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
