dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
